Second Thoughts
by folieadeux1121
Summary: Mulder and Scully are on the run when the unthinkable happens. How do they cope when they get their second miracle?
1. Chapter 1

**This story contains spoilers for William and The Truth. I don't own the characters, they're Chris Carter's babies, but I like to treat them a little better than he does.**

Mulder stirs as he hears the jingle of keys, and he immediately opens his eyes and shoots up into a seated position, scrambling for his gun on the bedside table.

"Relax," he hears, and as he comes awake he suddenly recognizes the figure standing before him. Scully is up out of bed and dressed. Mulder still finds it odd to see her dressed so casually, clad in denim jeans, a sandy sweater and grey jacket, despite the fact they've been on the run for almost three years now. Some mornings he still expects her to walk out of the motel bathroom as Agent Scully, wearing a polished suit and killer heels. Those days have gone though. Agent Scully has gone. So has her shoulder length red hair – now it's a mousy brown color, coming to rest midway down her back. Most days – like today – she ties it back, it's practical that way, but others she lets it curl naturally. She hates it, and Mulder must admit he misses her red locks, but it has to done. She disappears into the crowd as a brunette. It's yet another price she's having to pay for following him on the run.

"Scul –"

"Sarah," she interrupts, warning him. Scully doesn't look impressed, whether it's because of the use of her real name or the fact that he's awake Mulder doesn't know.

"Sarah." The name still feels foreign on his tongue, as does his own alias, Ben. It was Scully's turn to choose this time, and she opted for traditional names. But old habits die hard, and every now and then one of them – or sometimes both – will slip up, and their old names will roll off the tongue. And of course there are quieter, more intimate moments, when anything other than 'Dana' or 'Scully' just won't do.

"Go back to sleep," Scully says, whilst slipping the car keys into her jacket pocket. Mulder blinks up at her sleepily.

"Where are you going?"

"Just out," she replies dismissively, while Mulder narrows his eyes.

"Just out?" He smiles. "You're not trying to walk out on me are you?" As soon as he says the words his smile fades, and he almost dreads her reply. It could happen. Personally he's not sure why she's followed him this far either, especially after all she'd been through and all she'd had to sacrifice. Life on the road was hardly easy, and yet still she stayed.

"Don't be ridiculous Ben. I need to go to the grocery store."

Mulder scratches his head. There's something she's not telling him, and he's not about to give up until he gets it from her. "Are we out of things already? We only went on Tuesday." Their store trips are carefully planned. Always at the busiest time of day – that way people are rushing around too much to spot them, and they blend in easier on CCTV. And they never go alone, just in case they have to keep running.

Scully moves to speak but instead changes her mind and nods. A frown forms on her face as she watches Mulder shift to get out of bed. "What are you doing?"

Scratching his belly, Mulder gets to his feet and pads over to the chair, grabbing the jeans he discarded the night before. "I'm coming with you," he says to her through a yawn as he slips on his pants.

"It's fine, I can go alone."

"No you can't S…Sarah. What if something happens?"

"I'll be quick. Nothing's going to happen."

"That's what they say in horror movies right before something happens."

"This isn't a horror movie Ben," she replies tersely. It might not be a horror movie, but often it's like they're living in a nightmare that they're unable to wake from. "It's a quick trip to a grocery store."

"Why can't it wait?" Mulder asks, ignoring her wish for him to stay at the motel. He finds a fresh t-shirt and slips into it. "I thought we'd got everything."

"We did, but I just remembered something else."

"What?" As Mulder finishes dressing, he turns to face his partner, noticing her unwillingness to meet his eye. "What is it?" She says nothing, instead folding her arms in front of her. Suddenly he's not entirely sure that she's not leaving him. "Dana?" he whispers, nausea creeping in. He wants her to answer him, but yet he doesn't; scared of what she's about to say. He's known it, deep down, ever since they went on the run. She needs to be back home with her family, in a job she loves, living a normal life. Running from town to town, staying in crappy motels and eating out of tin cans isn't what she deserves.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Scully says in a small voice, swallowing hard. "I was just going to go –"

"Go…" Mulder repeats, letting the words sink in. She was just going to leave.

She shakes her head. "It's not what you think."

"Oh really? So this isn't it then? You're not walking out?"

"I'm…what? No!" Scully exclaims, and Mulder instantly breathes a sigh of relief. She's not leaving him. She really is just popping out.

"You're not?" A shake of the head. "Then why the sneaking around? And why are you going to the grocery store?"

"I just need some bread."

"Bread." She's lying and they both know it.

"Drop it Mulder." She doesn't even lower her voice, and neither of them notice that she's used his real name.

"Not until you tell me what you're up to."

"Please."

"Tell me. I don't get why you won't tell me. I mean it's not like it's my birthday and you're planning a surprise. Are you sick? Because if you are we can get you some help and –"

"I'm pregnant," Scully suddenly snaps, stopping Mulder in his tracks. He feels the room start to spin and his legs buckle as he registers her words.

"You're…what?"

"I'm…I think I'm…I think I'm pregnant." Scully's eyes fill with tears, and a lump forms in Mulder's throat too.

"How…?" He immediately regrets the question. He knows how. They've been trying to be careful since they've been on the run for a number of reasons. For starters, a baby isn't practical if you're a wanted man, and then of course there's William… They always knew that there was a risk Scully could fall pregnant again – after all, it had happened once – but they certainly didn't think it would ever happen. "I mean…I know how," he continues. "But…are you sure?"

"I'm about 80 percent sure," Scully admits.

"So there's still a chance…?"

"I'm late." Scully is never late, her period arriving each month like clockwork. "And the signs are there. Nausea, dizziness…"

"But you never said…"

"I thought it might be the stress of everything."

Suddenly Mulder feels lighter. "It could be stress," he agrees, but Scully shakes her head. She doesn't think it is.

"I want to do a pregnancy test," she announces, and Mulder nods. "I need to know." She sniffs, wiping her eyes.

"Of course. And if it's positive…?"

"I can't think about that now," she answers quickly. "I can't believe this is happening."

"I'm sorry." He feels helpless, helpless and sick. All he can think about is the tiny little boy he kissed goodbye three years ago. They can't go through that again. If Scully is pregnant, things will change. She'll have to leave him of course, and go back to her life in DC. She'll need healthcare and a proper roof over her head. He wants nothing more than to go with her, but Mulder would rather his child think of him dead than a murderer. And right now he can't think of his child, because it'll be a child he'll never meet. He's going to be sick.

He watches as Scully heads to the door and suddenly springs back into action, stopping to step into his sneakers, before joining her at the door.

"Scully?"

She pauses and looks up at him, her expression fearful. They're both scared, about what's happening and what the future holds – especially now. "Whatever happens we'll deal with it. We'll be ok. All of us."

Scully says nothing, but reaches out and squeezes his hand. Without letting go, she leads him out of their motel room and towards the car, the two of them ready to discover their fate.


	2. Chapter 2

They rush to the store to buy a pregnancy test, and end up leaving with three. Mulder wanted to buy more – "best of five," he'd quipped, with a false smile and fear in his heart - but no, three it was. As the store worker grinned and wished them luck, the two of them swallowed their tears and politely said thanks, before leaving and returning to the motel in double quick time.

As soon as they arrive back Scully disappears into the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind her, her meaning loud and clear. She's doing this alone. Again.

So Mulder sits on the edge of the too-soft mattress, bouncing his leg nervously while he waits; his eyes trained on the clock on the TV. He forgot to ask Scully how long it will take – he's pretty sure he's seen commercials for tests that take just a minute or so and so he starts to count to himself, "one Mississippi, two Mississippi…" right up to sixty and then he pauses, listening out for signs of movement in the bathroom. When he doesn't hear anything he starts again, repeating the process, until he realizes that ten minutes have now passed. Surely no test takes ten minutes, he thinks to himself, and so he gets to his feet and pads over to the bathroom. There's no sound coming from within and so he taps on the door softly. "Sarah?" Nothing. He taps again and when further knocks are greeted with silence he tries the handle. The door is locked. "Sarah?"

He's worried now, half wondering whether she's escaped out of the bathroom window. It's a small opening, but Scully is pretty tiny herself, and right now there's barely anything on her. Come to think of it, in recent days her appetite has all but disappeared. Now he knows why – or at least he's 80 percent sure. "Scully? Scully let me in. Scully!" He doesn't care that he's shouting her real name; that anyone could hear and their charade could be discovered. Right now all he cares about is his partner on the other side of the door, and what she must be going through.

He's considering kicking down the door when it suddenly opens and he comes face to face with Scully. "What -?" He hesitates as he registers the tears in her eyes, but before he can say anything else she pushes past him and heads towards the bed. He's distracted momentarily by the sight of the three tests resting on the edge of the sink, and he edges closer, unsure whether Scully's tears are because the results are positive or negative. He leans over, his eyes registering the lines, and he immediately turns and follows Scully out into the bedroom.

She's hiding underneath the covers now, wisps of her hair barely visible above the comforter. Mulder is by her side in seconds, crawling onto the bed and wrapping his arm around her, pulling his blanket-covered partner in towards him. She gravitates into his arms but doesn't surface, unwilling to meet his eye, and so Mulder simply holds her as she sobs. "I'm sorry," he whispers, pressing his lips against the comforter. There's a range of emotions shooting through him right now, and he feels like crying too.

The tests are all positive. Scully is pregnant. Once again life has dealt them a cruel blow. They should be happy about this – after all, Scully is supposed to be barren, and here she is, pregnant for the second time against all odds. But Mulder knows that they're both thinking about another baby, an impossibly tiny baby boy with Scully's eyes and coloring, and his own lips and chin. The perfect combination of them both who they may never know, who's now potentially hundreds of miles away, calling two other people 'mom' and 'dad'.

He knows they have big decisions ahead of them - after all they weren't expecting this. Scully can't remain on the run while she's pregnant – she'll need hospital care very soon. But Mulder isn't sure he can let her go, or more importantly let her go through all of this alone. He missed out last time with William, and he doesn't think he can stand to miss out again. This baby could be his chance to do the right thing this time and to make amends. But as he holds Scully, and listens to her heartbreaking sobs, sobs which are cutting through him like a knife, suddenly he's not even sure there is going to be a baby. Scully might decide that she can't go through it all again, memories of William too painful to bear. They've got a lot to talk about, Mulder muses, but right now Scully is in no fit state to do so. So instead he settles his head on the pillow and holds his partner while she cries, and soon his own tears begin to fall.


	3. Chapter 3

They spend the rest of the morning, crying and sleeping, and crying some more, trying to take in the news. When Mulder opens his eyes at one point, he sees that Scully has now surfaced from beneath the comforter, and is looking back at him, her eyes watery. She looks exhausted, exhausted and heartbroken.

"Hey," he says, reaching out to brush a strand of hair out of her eye. "How are you doing?" It's a stupid question really, he thinks to himself. He knows how she's doing. Badly. She's in shock – they both are, and they're both trying to take it all in. It's supposed to be a happy time for them both – after all it's a baby, a new addition to their family - but it's turning out to be anything but.

Scully closes her eyes and speaks, her voice unsteady. "Mulder," she begins. "I don't know if I can do this." She releases a shaky breath. "I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can do this."

Mulder nods. He was expecting her to say that, but the words still make his heart hurt.

"I just want William back," she continues, the tears falling once more. Mulder isn't sure if she has many more tears left to cry.

"I know," he replies, kissing her warm forehead. "I do too." He sighs heavily, feeling so guilty, guilty at the situation, the two of them on the run; and guilty for getting her pregnant, guilty for leaving her in the first place.

"There's a part of me that thinks this is some kind of punishment for giving William away."

"It's not a punishment Scully," Mulder insists. "It's a baby, not a punishment. But I know what you mean," he adds.

"What are we going to do?"

That's the big question, and Mulder doesn't know how to answer. "Well," he begins. "I guess there are a few options." He hesitates, swallowing hard. "If you want to have this baby, we can contact Skinner and see if he can get you into a hospital. It might be safe for you to go as yourself now, as long as I'm not with you. I mean I'm sure your mom would let you stay with her, especially if she knows that you're back for good and away from me. Or –"

"I'm not leaving you Mulder." Scully opens her eyes and gives him her best glare. She's deadly serious.

He smiles. "The way I see it Scully, you're going to have to. If we decide not to go through with it…" He swallows. It's painful to think about, even though it is an option for them. "You'll need hospital treatment, and if…well if you change your mind, you can't have a baby while we're running from motel to motel. It's not safe, and it's certainly not a good start to their life."

"I know," Scully says, sniffing. "I don't know what do to."

Mulder doesn't either. "How many weeks do you think you are?"

"Six, or thereabouts," Scully answers.

"Ok, so we don't have to make a decision right now, do we?"

Scully shakes her head. She looks as though she's going to say something, but then she stops herself. "No."

"We can take some time and think about this and what we're going to do."

"What do you think about this?"

"I think…" He starts again. "I really don't know, other than the fact I'm completely stunned." Scully huffs a laugh, and he knows she's feeling exactly the same. "On the one hand it's like a kick in the teeth in a way. I feel numb and I just…I feel a little stupid that I didn't think this would ever happen. But then…then I keep thinking about William and the last time I held him. How tiny he was and how he looked in my arms. I think about the day we brought him home to your apartment and spent the whole night in bed just looking at him, counting all of his fingers and toes and watching every move he made. I keep thinking about him growing up and all of the things that we've missed along the way. And I know that our situation is far from ideal, but there's a part of me that thinks we could do this Scully. That maybe this baby is just what we need." He shrugs. "But I would never tell you what to do. I know that having a baby isn't only crazy, but it will bring up a range of emotions too. It'll be painful and hurt and it's going to bring back memories of William but…"

"But at the end of the day it's our baby," Scully finishes and Mulder nods.

"Yes."

"I can't give this baby away," she announces. "I can't go through that again."

"Scully." Reaching out, Mulder takes hold of her hand. "You did what any good mom would have done in the circumstances. You protected our son by doing what was best." Scully nods but Mulder knows that she will always blame herself for putting William up for adoption, and nothing will ever change that. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Scully's other hand slide down and curl protectively over her stomach. The move brings a tear to his eye. There's a little person growing inside of her.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I want to have this baby."

He pauses in shock – after all, a few minutes ago she wasn't sure what she wanted to do. Then, after a moment, a smile forms on his face. "Ok."

"I know it's going to be tough and I'm not getting any younger and that we're insane for even thinking about doing this..."

Mulder's smile widens. "When has that ever stopped us?"

"Does this mean you're ok with it? If that's what I decide to do."

"I want what you want," he replies. "It's going to be tough if you want me to be there."

"I do. That's if…" she gives him a questioning look and he nods.

"Of course I do. I don't know how we're going to do it, but I know I want to be there for you." His hand moves to cover hers on her stomach. "We can do this."

"Really?"

"Really." He doesn't admit that he's absolutely terrified, both at the thought of having a baby and the fear of them getting found out, not when she's looking at him with such love and hope in her eyes. He can worry later. Instead he leans over and kisses Scully squarely on the lips. Whatever happens, they'll deal with it. Together.


	4. Chapter 4

Mulder looks up as he hears the door to the diner open, and he bites back a smile as Walter Skinner steps into view. His former boss is trying to blend in as a civilian, his formal suit of days gone by replaced with jeans and a dark plaid shirt. All he needs is the cowboy hat to go with it, thinks Mulder, but he says nothing, instead nodding as Skinner approaches the booth where he and Scully are sat. The diner is busy but not crowded, the people at the other booths are too distracted to notice Skinner's arrival, and the music sounding out of the jukebox is loud enough to soak up any private conversations.

Scully sits perfectly still opposite Mulder, sipping at her soda in a bit to keep the nausea at bay. Her morning sickness began just a few days ago and seems to be hitting her hard. She's vomiting regularly each day like clockwork, and when she's not being physically sick, she's experiencing feelings of nausea and dizzy spells. Because of this, they've remained in one place for the past week – Cheyenne, Wyoming – so that Scully can rest and get her strength back. They both know they'll have to move on soon – especially if Skinner has been followed – but hopefully he'll help to clear their path ahead. Now all they have to do is ask him.

"You look like shit, the pair of you," Skinner says in greeting as he slips into the booth next to Scully. He doesn't sound particularly amused, no doubt pissed at having to fly across the country to find them, but Mulder can hear an element of concern in his voice too. He knows they wouldn't contact him without good reason, and after three years on the run, they finally have reason.

"Thanks for coming Walter," Scully says softly with gratitude in her eyes as she looks at her former boss. "It's good to see you again."

Skinner has aged since they last saw him. He looks tired and worn, dark circles beneath his eyes, but he's still the same Skinner, unamused but dependable. Scully moves to pour him a glass of water from the jug sitting in the middle of the table but stops herself, the movement too much for her. Coming to her assistance Mulder takes over, then slides the glass over to the man opposite him. Skinner nods in thanks.

"How was your journey?" Mulder asks as a waitress passes them. To anyone passing it sounds like a simple, polite enquiry, but Skinner understands the meaning behind the questions.

"I wasn't followed," Skinner murmurs. "I covered my tracks and booked a ticket to Vegas too."

Mulder snorts. "We appreciate you giving up the slot machines to come here."

Skinner doesn't smile back. "Alright, enough of the niceties, what's going on?" He glances back and forth between Mulder and Scully. "There must be some reason you called me all of this way. "What's -?"

"Excuse me." Pressing her fingers to her lips, Scully gestures for Skinner to let her out of the booth. Confused, he does so, then looks on as she walks swiftly in the direction of the ladies' bathroom. Mulder grimaces, feeling bad for his partner. Scully is sensitive to smell, and the diner is hardly the best environment for her.

Confused, Skinner sits back down. "Is she alright?"

Mulder opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted by the waitress seeking Skinner's order. Unamused at being interrupted, he snatches up a menu from the table, scans it at speed and orders an omelette, waiting for the waitress to walk out of earshot before he tries again. "What's –" He pauses as he sees Scully exit the bathroom and move to walk back towards them. He watches as she suddenly hesitates, turns on her heel and heads back to the bathroom, his eyes narrowing. "Alright, what's going on. Is she ok?" Mulder says nothing, his expression giving his answer away. "Is she sick? She's sick," Skinner says, answering his own question. "Is it the cancer?" He sighs. "Tell me it's not the cancer."

"It's not the cancer," Mulder answers, watching his former boss relax. "But, it's complicated."

"Define complicated."

"She's pregnant."

Mulder's words are greeted with silence as Skinner absorbs the information. After a moment the other man's face darkens, and he shakes his head. "Are you two completely stupid?"

"It wasn't planned."

"I should hope not." He sighs again. "And that's why you need my help."

"She'll need hospital treatment."

"Right." Skinner clearly hasn't understood.

"Scully wants to have the baby," Mulder informs him, and clearly that's not the answer Skinner is expecting.

"She…What?" He rubs his eyes wearily, the events of the past 24 hours catching up with him. "How the hell do you two plan to live a life like this with a newborn?"

"I know."

"It's not safe."

"I know that too. But she wants to go through with the birth, and there's no way she'd even consider giving the baby away. Not after last time."

"No," Skinner says in agreement, softening as he remembers that awful time. "I can't imagine she does."

"Putting William up for adoption almost broke her." Reaching out, Mulder lifts his own glass of water and takes a sip. "We know it's crazy and that there are many many risks involved, but it's what we've decided. Scully wants this. She deserves this."

Skinner nods, just as Scully emerges from the bathroom once again. This time she makes it all the way back to their booth, choosing to sit next to Mulder instead.

"I umm…I hear congratulations are in order," Skinner murmurs, watching Scully shift awkwardly in her seat. She focuses on Mulder's glass of water, unable to meet his eye. "The circumstances aren't ideal," she admits softly. Mulder startles as he feels her hand take hold of his beneath the table. He knows she's scared, and they both know that Skinner is their only hope. Without him they'll have to go it alone.

"No."

"But we want this," Mulder adds firmly, and Scully nods in agreement.

"Sir…" The word feels foreign on her tongue. "I know we're asking a lot, and there's a lot at risk here, but we really need your help. I need to see a doctor, and pretty soon we're going to have to stop running. We need a base, new permanent identities."

"You know that I can pave the way for you to come back to DC don't you?"

Scully nods. "I do, but I'm not going back alone."

Mulder squeezes her hand, but he can't help but feel guilty. If it wasn't for him she could go back to her mom and get her life back, but he knows she won't.

"Alright." Skinner isn't exactly surprised at her words.

"Does that mean you'll help?"

"Of course I'll help," he says, as if there was never any doubt. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't prepared to help."

"Thank you."

"I'll go back and make some enquiries."

"We appreciate it," says Mulder, as Scully lets go of his hand and shifts in her seat. "More than you'll ever know."

"Excuse me." She doesn't wait for a response before she's rushing back towards the bathroom, passing the waitress who's on her way with their food. Skinner waits until she's set it all down on their table before he speaks again. "If you screw this up –"

"I won't," Mulder promises. "It's going to be different this time. I'm different this time."

"Because I swear to God –"

"I know sir, I know. I'm going to do everything I can to protect her. Both of them."

After a moment Skinner relaxes. He believes it too.


	5. Chapter 5

"Would you like me to carry you over the threshold honeybunch?"

Scully stops the car and kills the engine just outside of the unremarkable house. The two of them eye the outline of the building in the darkness, trying to make out what is to be their new home. Skinner made good on his promise – very good in fact – paving the way for Scully to return to "normal life." All she'd have to do was tell anyone who'd ask – and they were sure people would ask – that she and Mulder were no more, and that she had no idea where in America he was headed to next. Mulder meanwhile, would have to keep his head down, which was no real problem given that he'd been doing that since the two of them had been on the run. He'd agreed with Skinner's plan, even if it meant he wouldn't be able to venture far from their new house. Scully deserved this. She needed this, especially now that she's pregnant. Not only will she soon need hospital care, but this move will give her the chance to mend bridges with her family too, especially Maggie.

And so Mulder and Scully discussed their options and gave Skinner the go-ahead to pave the way for Scully's return. He also found them an ideal location in which to live. The house, in Virginia, was isolated, surrounded by nothing except land, land which came with the property. The building itself needed a lot of work, haven fallen into a sorry state over the years, but it was decided that this would be Mulder's project – after all, he needed something to do with his time, at least until the baby arrived. And so Scully put down an offer on the house, with the help of Mulder's money too of course, and the two of them became homeowners, although there was only one name on the papers. Now here they were, about to see their house for the first time.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Come on Scully, there's nothing on you. In fact, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to be gaining weight now you're pregnant, not losing it."

"That's easier said than done when I can't keep anything down."

Her morning sickness, which didn't limit itself to just day time, was in full force. Mulder was the ever attentive partner, wanting to make up for everything he'd missed out on during her pregnancy with William, and was there to hold back her hair while she vomited, rub her back and fetch her water. He was convinced they were having a girl after Scully admitted that her morning sickness was a lot worse this time round, but she insisted that it could still be a boy – "all pregnancies are different," she's told him more than once.

"I could lift you with one arm Scully." It feels odd to be able to say her name out loud again without the worry of the wrong person hearing. Odd but good. Yes they'll have to be careful still, and all eyes will be on Scully at first, but she can at least get her life back. She's already lost so much; he's grateful he can help give her this.

"You forget how old you are now."

"I'm not old", he replies, then stops and thinks. "Ok, maybe I'm a little old. God Scully, I think I need to start working out again or this kid will run rings around me."

Scully nods but says nothing. Each day she experiences a different emotion over her pregnancy – no doubt a result of her hormones and also memories of William. Some days she's happy, nervous but excited, and as content as he's seen her in a long long time. Other days however bring tears and sorrow and overwhelming guilt over William. It's going to be a rollercoaster ride for them both over the next seven months. "Come on," she says, changing the subject. "Are you ready to get out of the car?"

Mulder pauses, then huffs out a laugh.

"What?"

"I remember you asking me a similar question years ago," he explains. "Asking me if I wanted to live a normal life instead of chasing aliens. Do you remember?"

"Vaguely," she says, although Mulder suspects she's just being polite. He continues.

"Back then I didn't really know what you meant. Until William," he adds. "And even then I don't think I really knew what I had until I'd left. Don't get me wrong Scully, I knew I was a lucky son of a bitch, but I didn't savor it enough."

"I'm sorry."

"I was the one who left."

"You had to. We both know it was for the best."

Mulder doesn't argue. Sometimes he wonders what would have happened if he'd stayed. Sometimes he thinks maybe if he'd been there with Scully he could have helped to protect William, and then maybe things would have turned out differently. But then he often thinks some more and considers the possibility that he'd have been killed, or – worse still – someone would have harmed their son. "Just like we know that the decision you made for William was for the best too," he says softly, reaching across to take hold of Scully's hand. "I know we're both weighed down with guilt, but we can't get consumed by it Scully. We've got a second chance, and I know it's not how either of us imagined it, and I know we'd both do anything to have William here with us too, but this is our chance to get on with our lives."

Scully nods but even in the darkness Mulder can sense her scepticism. "You're going to be housebound Mulder."

"For a while," he agrees. "But let's not forget the not so small task of decorating, not to mention brushing up on my culinary skills. Plus I'm sure Junior will keep me busy."

They haven't talked much about the baby, not really. Some days Scully seems in denial and, while Mulder is of course excited – albeit petrified – he's also regretful. After all, he's still a wanted man and can't step out in public, so Scully will have to attend hospital appointments and sonograms alone, unless of course she takes her mom. That's if she makes contact with Maggie – the two of them haven't spoken in some time, and their last conversation was somewhat fraught, with Maggie unable to understand why her daughter could give up on her family, including her son. "It's a mother's job to protect her child," she'd commented just after William's adoption, like a knife to Scully's heart. There were a lot of bridges to be mended by both Scully and her family.

"You'll go stir crazy Mulder."

"You mean I'm not already?" Scully doesn't find the joke funny. "I'll be ok Scully. I have you, Junior, hopefully a comfortable bed, or at least a mattress not infested with bugs, and maybe even HBO at some point. I'll be great."

Scully opens her mouth to protest but Mulder interrupts. "C'mon," he says, squeezing her hand. "We don't have to argue in cars anymore. We have a home now to do that in. Wanna go check it out?"

After a moment Scully squeezes his hand back. "Yeah."

Xxx

Skinner has done well. Very well. Although he hadn't been kidding when he said the house needed a lot of work, it's ideal for Mulder and Scully. Located in the middle of nowhere, well-hidden should anyone pas by, three bedrooms – one which would make an ideal nursery, Mulder comments to Scully; and another that could easily be converted into a playroom, or even an office. And, best of all, it's theirs. After years of running, they can finally stop. They'll have to be careful of course, and attention will likely be on Scully for a while, but it's much better than driving for thousands of miles, and hiding in dark, dreary motels. It's perfect. It's home.


	6. Chapter 6

Mulder sets down the paintbrush with a sigh, standing with his hands on his hips to admire his hard work. He's in the spare bedroom, what will eventually be the nursery, though Scully forbids him from calling it that, worried that something will happen in her pregnancy. At the moment he's painting it a soft cream color, hopeful that soon Scully will let him prepare it for the arrival of their son or daughter. As it stands there are no borders, no murals, no sign at all that in less than six months' time a little person will be sleeping in here.

He's suddenly distracted by the sound of a car approaching the house, and cautiously moves towards the window to check that it is Scully. He can't be too careful. Recognizing the familiar vehicle he relaxes then places the lid back over the tin of paint and leaves the room, heading down the stairs to greet her. As he descends the stairs and enters the living room his nerves intensify. It's a big day for Scully, for both of them. It's her twelve week sonogram and today, all being well, she'll get to see their baby for the first time on screen, and to find out if he or she is healthy. He'd wanted to go to the hospital with her but for obvious reasons had to stay at home, and the wait is killing him. He missed her first scan with William, and now the same has happened with their second child. Mulder is determined, no matter what, that history won't repeat itself in any other way.

The door opens and Scully steps inside, slipping off her jacket and hanging it on the coat rack. She locks the door, almost as an afterthought, security at the back of her mind, and makes her way through the house, ignoring Mulder who's now sat waiting patiently on the sofa. His smile fades as he watches her head towards the stairs, no doubt intending to go straight up to their bedroom. He doesn't speak, he knows her well enough by now to realize that she doesn't want to talk, and instead lets her go. For the moment. It's bad news, he tells himself, getting to his feet and pacing the living room. That's why she can't face him right now. Or maybe, his inner voice suggests, she hasn't, and that's why she can't talk.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Mulder decides to head upstairs and face the wrath of his partner. She's shut him out before over the years, and he's determined not to let her do the same now, no matter what's happened at the hospital.

Mulder reaches the bedroom, pushes open the door and pauses. "Hey." His eyes automatically settle on Scully, who's standing in front of a full-length mirror, her hand pressed against her abdomen. Her eyes catch his in the mirror but she makes no effort to turn and face him. "You ok?"

Scully nods, though she doesn't look quite so certain. He can tell that she's been crying – her eyes are red and puffy – but Mulder isn't sure whether it's because there's something wrong with the baby, or because everything's fine. Scully's moods shift on a daily basis and Mulder isn't sure how she's feeling about the pregnancy from one moment to the next.

"How did your appointment go?"

Scully's bottom lip trembles and for a split second Mulder is convinced that she's lost the baby, until she turns and points to her purse.

"Fine," she replies, and Mulder grits his teeth as he retrieves her bag and opens it, his gaze settling on an envelope inside.

"Healthy," Scully eventually adds, realizing that Mulder needs more. "Two arms, two legs, a healthy heart rate. Growing well."

Mulder nods as he pulls out an image from Scully's sonogram and lays eyes on his baby – on their baby – for the first time. A lump quickly forms on his throat and he swallows hard, trying to keep his emotions in check. The last thing Scully wants right now is for him to get upset – she needs him to be strong for the both of them. But looking at the picture in his hands, Mulder can't help but feel blessed. This baby is going to bring back painful memories for the two of them, but Mulder knows it's a miracle – their second miracle. After all, Scully is supposedly barren. It's almost enough to make him believe in a higher being. Almost.

As he studies the image, squinting to try and make out the various parts of the baby's body, he feels Scully move to stand beside him and take a look over his shoulder. "It's amazing Scully," he whispers, unable to conceal his awe. "Did you find out if it's a boy or girl?"

"It's too early to tell," she replies. "They'll be able to see more clearly at the 20-week scan if I…if we choose to find out."

"What do you think?"

Scully shakes her head. "I still have to make it to 20 weeks," she replies, killing Mulder's hopes. "There are still risks involved with this pregnancy Mulder. Anything can happen."

"I know that," he replies quickly, not wanting to anger her. He knows that high blood pressure isn't healthy for the pregnancy, and he also knows that Scully has been under a lot of stress lately. "But all being well, what do you think?"

He lets Scully take the sonogram from him and sees a look of pain flash across her face before she pops the picture back into the envelope. "I think I'll have to know," she says quietly, as though talking to herself. Her eyes glance down at the floor as she continues. "If it's a boy I'll…"

"I know." Reaching out, Mulder takes hold of her hand and squeezes. If it's a boy she'll need time to grieve William, he realizes. They both will. "So," he says, giving his partner a small smile. "Healthy."

"Yes."

"I'm glad."

"Of course I am. Are you?" For a moment he's fearful of Scully's answer, but thankfully she nods.

"I wanted this baby to be healthy," she explains. "I know I haven't exactly been overjoyed at this pregnancy, but I don't want anything to happen to the baby."

Mulder allows himself to relax, unable to stop the grin from forming on his lips. "That makes two of us."

"I still can't believe this is happening," she continues, and Mulder hums in agreement.

"We like defying the odds," he replies, deciding to risk a move. Without warning he reaches out to cup Scully's stomach with the palm of his hand. He thinks he can just about make out a small swell and he smiles, relieved when Scully doesn't push him away. She hasn't let him touch her since she discovered she was pregnant, choosing to get dressed in the bathroom rather than in front of him; politely but firmly declining his advances, claiming she's too tired/sick/just not in the mood, but Mulder knows the real reason. He knows she's struggling to come to terms with everything that's happening to them, and that she needs to work through it all in her head first, so he's been patient and understanding, trying not to push her. But right now he wants to feel the swell of their child. He missed out on so much during her pregnancy with William, but now he's here for her.

"Wow," he says, a look of amazement lighting up his face. "You've got a bump already."

Scully shakes her head, dismissing his theory yet again. "No I don't, it's just fat."

"Scully," Mulder replies, chuckling. "You have never been fat in your life. It's a bump," he repeats, moving to spin her around to face the mirror once more. He flattens Scully's sweater down over her abdomen, but when he sees the look of disbelief in her eyes he lifts the garment before returning his hands to his new favorite place. He's right, there's a small but noticeable bump. "You see?" he says, and Scully's eyes follow his gaze in the mirror. Tears glisten in her eyes as she registers the slight swell of her abdomen, and she moves to place her hands on top of Mulder's. A smile slowly graces her lips, and Mulder knows that this is a good day. After everything they've been through, Scully especially, they deserve to have this. They deserve to be happy.

"It's our baby," Scully suddenly whispers, her watery smile widening as Mulder leans in to place a tender kiss behind her ear.

"It's our second miracle," Mulder replies. "Our second chance."

Moments later Scully nods. "Yes, yes it is."


End file.
